This article was originally published on ParentMood
Shelley Tells Her Story, Starting A Cascade Of Events
Nearly 30 years had passed when Shelley Pitts decided to suddenly share her story with the world, or at least with anyone who read a website called Love What Matters. For whatever reason, she'd just decided that enough was enough, and she couldn't handle keeping her long-ago pregnancy and the adoption of her son a secret any longer. She wrote her story to the website, detailing everything that she'd endured all those years ago.
She wrote how she'd grown up in a small Texas town during the 1980s and how she was treated when some people eventually discovered that she was pregnant.
Finding Out She Was Pregnant
Shelley was like any other teenager before she found out that she was pregnant with her son. She and her boyfriend, named Sidney, spent a lot of time together, between her taking part in different sports and school activities. And like most other teens who have a child at a young age, Shelley was shocked when she found out and even said that she "thought I could will the pregnancy out of my body” at first.
Neither Shelley nor Sidney were fully ready to have a child at such a young age. Nobody is ever ready to have a child when they're still really just children themselves.
Not Dealing With The Situation
At first, Shelley dealt with the whole thing the same way you might expect any teenager to deal with it. That is to say, she just ignored it and hoped it would go away on its own. However, that wasn't going to happen, and in the back of her mind, Shelley said that she knew she'd have to deal with it sooner or later. In between her trying her best to ignore everything, her mind raced.
She said that she'd asked herself, “Why hadn’t I told my mom to put me on birth control?” before her mind inevitably slipped back to wondering, "What were people going to say?"
Going About Life As If Nothing Had Changed
In between all of her frantic thoughts and trying to just ignore the fact that she was about to become a parent, Shelley still played sports and just went about her business as normal. “I pretended my life wasn’t changing forever. I pushed the thought of being pregnant out of my mind, but I knew the outcome was inevitable,” she said. However, she came to realize that there was one other person she could confide in.
That person was Sidney, Shelley's boyfriend and now the father of her child. So, after putting off telling him the news, she decided it was time to let him in on her secret.
Sidney Learns The Truth
Some three months would pass before, from the time Shelley learned she was pregnant to the time she told her boyfriend and the father. When he learned that they were both going to be parents, Sidney was nothing but supportive, Shelley said. The two had been in a relationship for more than two years at that point. Telling Sidney helped alleviate some of the burdens of keeping a secret like that all to herself.
“We talked about whether the baby would be a boy or a girl, who the baby would look like, and what we would name it,” she said.
Keeping A Secret Together
After Shelley told Sidney the news, the two parents decided that they would try and keep things under wraps for as long as they could. After all, they expected both of their parents to be extremely angry with them. "Even though in our immaturity we were excited about the thought of a baby, we were scared and worried about the backlash we’d get in telling our parents. So, we put off telling them because it was easier to not think about it,” she said.
However, in the back of her mind, Shelley knew that they wouldn't be able to keep her pregnancy a secret forever, and it was only a matter of time before people found out.
People Start To Talk
As time passed, the signs of Shelley's pregnancy became more apparent. “I wore baggy clothes or Sidney’s oversized letterman jacket. I placed my pom-poms over my belly at drill team practice and sat with a pillow in my lap at home,” Shelley said. However, as soon as her stomach started to grow, she began to hear the other kids at school whisper in hushed voices whenever she was around.
She also began to overhear the teachers at her school talk. This made her worried, and not just for the usual reason of her being a teenage mom.
Being In A Mixed Race Relationship In The 1980s
You see, this was the 1980s, and Shelley and Sidney were in a mixed-race relationship in Texas. This was pretty much taboo in most places in the country, but in the South, it was especially frowned upon. Despite this, the two had been dating for two years at this point, and they weren't afraid to make it known in public. That means that they were already used to just ignoring all of the stares and whispers people gave them.
“We were in love and determined to stand together. We endured whatever was thrown our way. This would just be another thing to overcome,” she said. However, there was still the issue of telling their parents.
The Parents Find Out
After months of being pregnant, it had become impossible to keep the news from them any longer. When they first told their parents, they were obviously a bit surprised and disappointed, according to Shelley, but there was an upside to telling them the news. Both Shelley and Sidney could now breathe a bit easier. Both sets of parents thought that being a mom and dad at the 14 would simply be too much.
So, everyone agreed that the couple's best option would be to put the child up for adoption, and it wasn't like the teenagers were in any position to resist.
The Race To Find An Adoption Agency
While it's relatively easy to find an adoption agency today, Shelley and Sidney had some trouble finding an agency when they were teenagers. None of the agencies they talked to would take the child in since it was a biracial baby, and this was America in the 1980s. Luckily, they eventually found an agency that provided housing and Christian counseling, although it was based far away from their home in Texas.
So, Shelley packed up and headed far away from home, her parents, and the father of her child, Sidney. She would have to talk to her family and friends through letters from here on out.
Going It Alone
Besides the "church family" she was given, Shelley would be going it alone until the time she officially became a mom. Her only way of corresponding with family and friends was through letters, which she anxiously awaited nearly every day. “My mom visited on a few weekends, but the mail became my point of anticipation every day. Letters and cards from my mother, grandmother, and Sidney were read and reread,” she said.
However, she added that as soon as she found out that she was having a little boy, things got even more difficult, and she found herself constantly thinking about Sidney.
Shelley's Water Breaks
When it came time to give birth to her baby son, everything happened extremely fast, according to Shelley. Her mom didn't even have enough time to make it to her before the baby was born. And Sidney had been barred from even showing up. “His parents wouldn’t allow it. They thought it would be for the best,” Shelley said, adding that it was because the baby was going to be adopted anyway.
So, Shelley ended up going through labor with only her doctors and nurses for company. She recalled that the whole experience felt a bit surreal at the moment.
A Very Surreal Experience
Looking back on her labor, Shelley described her entry into motherhood as one that felt like an out-of-body experience. “I felt like I was watching someone else go through it. It was surreal… I mentally floated through it,” she said. According to Shelley, this out-of-body experience helped her get through the labor while her doctors and nurses were telling her to push. Her caseworker was also in the room, holding her hand through the whole ordeal.
It wasn't long before the sounds of a baby crying began to fill the room, at which point Shelley knew the baby was here and that she was now a mom.
Seeing Her Son For The First Time
As you might expect, everyone who was present told Shelley that it wasn't a good idea to see and hold the baby. After all, it wouldn't be long before the baby would go up for adoption, and she'd probably never see him again. However, Shelley disagreed. “They said seeing him would be traumatizing. I needed to see him though. I couldn’t fathom the thought of leaving without holding him at least once,” she said.
She recalled being determined to see her son before he disappeared forever, but she also recalled being more than a little nervous at the thought of holding him in her arms.
Holding Her Newborn In Her Arms
It wasn't long after she first held her son that she started ticking off the similarities in her mind. She could see all of the different characteristics he'd inherited from both herself and Sidney. The baby boy had her eyelashes and blue eyes while having Sidney's lips. She also recalled feeling strangely calm from the moment her newborn son was placed in her arms for the very first time.
However, the moment was short-lived as the time to return the baby to the doctors and nurses, and perhaps never see her baby boy again, was fast approaching.
A Mix Of Emotions
Finally, the nurses came, and she handed the newborn back to them. They left the room with the caseworker, while Shelley sat there watching. She remembered feeling "ashamed as if I didn’t have the right to cry. I was giving my baby up. I couldn’t possibly deserve sympathy, right?” For that reason, she tried to stay stoic as the nurses and caseworker walked out of the delivery room with her son.
She would only manage to hold in tears for so long, though, and the next part of her journey would be one that allowed her to finally let her emotions out.
Leaving The Hospital
Shelley eventually left the hospital, although that in and of itself brought a whole range of different emotions. She recalled thinking to herself that every stare, and even the slightest glance, was from people who knew that she'd just given up her child. While that couldn't be further from the truth, it just went to show how impactful her decision had been and that it would end up staying with her for a very long time.
As she got to the car and was afforded a bit of privacy, she finally let out her tears. These were only alleviated by the fact that her son would be given a chance at a decent life.
Life Returns To Normal
Shelley eventually returned to school and ended up graduating. After school, she got married and had three children with her husband. She and her husband had all daughters, once again making Shelley a mom. The couple would eventually get divorced as the father failed to spend much time with the family. Shelley devoted herself to being a mom to her daughters and began raising them as a single mother.
Despite this, she never forgot about her son, and she said that the thought of him being out there somewhere was always in the back of her mind.
Keeping Him In Her Memory
Shelley said that every year, she would remember to secretly celebrate his birthday by herself. “I would silently celebrate my son’s birthday each year. Although I thought of him constantly, he dominated my thoughts every March 29,” she said. However, despite this constant nagging urge to go out and find him, Shelley found consolation in knowing that she wouldn't have been the best mother for him when she was only 14.
She knew that giving her son up for adoption had been the right decision, despite it also being a heart-wrenching decision that she had to carry around with herself for all of those years.
Telling Her Daughters About There Brother
For years, Shelley had kept her secret to herself. The decision to not confide in others was more than understandable, but it also meant that she had to bear the burden all alone. Finally, she decided that her daughters also had a right to know that they had a brother somewhere out there. She told them when they were a bit older, although sensing their mother's feelings on the matter, they didn't ask a whole lot of questions.
The daughters didn't want to poke and prod their mother with questions on something that was obviously very traumatizing for her, even all of these years later.
Not Knowing What Happened To Her Son
In addition, Shelley didn't really have much more information to give them. She'd given her son up to an adoption agency, and it's not like they send you a monthly report after a child is adopted. Shelley had no idea where her daughters' baby brother was at or what he was doing. She did know that a White couple had adopted her son around four months after he was put up for adoption.
She also knew that the adoptive mother was working in education while the father was in the military, but that's really all she had to go on at that point.
Tentatively Starting Her Search
Shelley's curiosity about her son never left her. She would think about him every day, and this also meant wondering what he looked like now. “I always envisioned he had the same stocky, muscular build as his father. I saw him having my eyes and his father’s smile. I wondered if he was happy,” she said. This made her tentatively begin her search, first by joining adoption groups on Facebook.
The hope was that if he was out there somewhere, maybe he was also looking for his mother. She hoped these groups might lead to a chance discovery of one another.
Beginning Her Search In Earnest
However, the Facebook approach never turned up anything substantial. So, around the 33-year mark, Shelley decided that she would start her search in earnest, and on his birthday, she got online to start searching archives. She eventually found a website that helped parents find their adopted children. She then input her son's information: “Male born March 29, 1988, in Dallas, Texas, adopted at four months old, brown eyes, brown hair, unknown ethnicity.”
After waiting for what must've felt like an eternity, she got back a single match. However, the results would prove to be a bit hard to make sense of at first.
Reaching Out To The Adoption Agency
Her search returned one result for a man named Daniel Smith. So, she sent an email to reach out to them, hoping for a response. However, she noticed that the address for what she thought was the agency didn't match up with the one that she'd used when she was only 14 years old. After a while of receiving no response, she decided to follow up and she sent them another message.
Still, no answer. It was time to try a different approach. She entered the address into a search website, but it didn't turn up an adoption agency.
In Place Of An Agency, Shelley Found A Home
Shelley didn't find an adoption agency in her search, but she did find a small home in Virginia. She figured that the house was probably where her son's adoptive parents lived. After discovering this, her mind began to race, exploring all of the possibilities and all of the potential ways she could try and reach out to him. After a few moments of considering nearly everything, even driving to the house, she decided to look up the person who lived there.
She began combing social media for people with similar names who lived in the area. However, as you might imagine, the name Daniel Smith is a pretty common one to have.
Finding A Potential Match
Shelley had to comb through dozens and dozens of profiles, filtering out people who didn't match the person she knew she was looking for. However, finally, she came across one that could be a potential match. He had a light complexion, his father's lips, and her eyes. “The profile picture was of a light-complexioned, tall, somewhat thin, young black man surrounded by three kids. I studied it and thought maybe he could be my son, but I wasn’t sure,” she said.
The more she looked at his photos, the more sure she was that this was her son and that she was this man's mother. So, she finally decided to send him a message.
Reaching Out To Her Son
Shelley began her message simply enough. On his birthday, she wrote: “Happy birthday. I’m your birth mom. I don’t know how else to say that without just blurting it out. I pray you respond. I can’t believe I actually found you.” She recalled that her heart was thumping out of her chest the entire time she was writing her message. Understandably, her son didn't message back right away, and after a couple of days of not hearing anything, Shelley tried a different approach.
She messaged the girlfriend, who messaged back pretty quickly. However, after what was probably a little bit of prodding on the girlfriend's part, Daniel messaged a few days later on March 31.
Shelley Receives A Response
The first message Shelley received from Daniel was a positive one. It read: "Hi. I don’t know where to start. I would love to talk to you." From there, a conversation started, and understandably enough, Daniel had a ton of questions for his mom. He wanted to know about her and about his father, Sidney. At this point, Shelley had sent him a couple of photos that she had of him.
However, he'd died only a few years after she'd given birth. And in the midst of all this excitement, she was still a little worried about what her son thought of her as a mother.
Daniel Tries To Calm Any Concerns
Understandably, Shelley was worried about what her son though of her for giving him up for adoption. Daniel must've sensed this, too, because it wasn't long before he wrote to her: "This is like a dream almost. There are a million things I want to say, and at the same time, I can’t find the words. Just know I love you. I have never once been upset with you."
Shelley was relieved, but she still had a million questions for her son, and simply messaging back and forth wasn't going to suffice. She needed to talk to her son and hear his voice.
Mother And Son's First Phone Call
Shelley would get her first phone call after only a couple of days of messaging back and forth with Daniel. After being separated for 33 years, the call lasted much longer than expected, running for around three hours in total. Shelley described the whole ordeal as surreal. It was pretty clear immediately that the two shared a lot of things in common, which made sense considering they were mother and son.
Still, somewhere in their three-hour-long conversation, Shelley made sure to ask if her son had received the kind of life she'd hoped for when she gave him up for adoption all of those years ago.
Daniel's Childhood
The answer was neither bad nor exceedingly good. “I can’t say it was good, but I also can’t say it was bad. It made me who I am, and I am proud of who it’s made me,” Daniel said. Shelley had always wondered how he was faring and if he'd been given the perfect childhood, but the truth was somewhere in the middle. But Daniel seemed to be thankful for what he was given.
Shelley, knowing that she wouldn't have made the perfect mother at 14, remembered recalling that she was happy that he'd received a half-decent childhood, all things considered.
Meeting The Rest Of The Family
Although she had a little bit of apprehension when she went to tell her daughters that she'd made contact with their brother, she quickly told them after a couple of conversations with him nonetheless. Their reactions were exactly what one might expect. They were excited to meet their brother and even reached out and called him on their own. After their call with their long-lost brother, everyone began thinking about the next step.
They'd all talked on the phone and got to know one another a bit up to that point. The only thing that was left was to meet in person.
Daniel Comes To Texas
Up to this point, they'd only talked to Daniel on the phone, and he was all the way in Virginia. So, they all began planning on how to fly him out to Texas. Despite how it sounds, the whole process went rather quickly. Everyone was excited to meet one another after being apart for 33 years. So, only a month after Shelley sent her first message to her son, Daniel boarded a plane for Texas.
His mom waited eagerly for him outside of his gate, and it wasn't long before they were both reunited with one another after having spent decades apart.
The First Meeting Between Mother And Son
Daniel and Shelley's first meeting was one to remember. As soon as Daniel saw his mom standing there, he went up to her and gave her a huge hug. “The first hug from Daniel was unlike anything I’d ever felt. My heart filled up and overflowed. ‘I can’t believe you’re finally here,’ I kept saying into his ear,” according to Shelley. The two eventually loaded up and got in the car.
The next step was to visit the rest of the family, which was exactly where the two were now heading. Although, it was anyone's guess as to how the reception would go.
Spending Time Together As A Family
Luckily, it went pretty well, according to everyone involved. “The next six days were filled with family, food, and all the love we could give him,” Shelley said. Both Daniel's three sisters and their partners gave Daniel a memorable welcome to the family. In addition, Shelley made sure to pass on Daniel's father's letters to him. “I wanted to give him a piece of his father to take back to Virginia with him. He deserved at least that much,” she said.
However, all things must come to an end, and Daniel would eventually have to return to Virginia to be with his children and girlfriend after spending time in Texas.
Daniel's Trip Comes To An End
Daniel's trip couldn't last forever, and everyone knew it. Despite immediately connecting with everyone, there was still no way that Daniel would be able to fully catch up with his mom and sisters after 33 years of being away. Shelley also didn't want to let go of her son after being apart from him for so long. But if the trip proved one thing, it was that Shelley would never truly be out of touch with her son again.
It also boded well for future trips that Daniel and his sisters got along so well. Everyone knew it was only a matter of time before they all saw each other again.
Fast Forward To Present Day
Currently, Shelley and her son are still very much in contact. The family also has a couple of new additions in Daniel's girlfriend and their three children. This past year Shelley posted about her son's birthday on social media, "Y'all please help me wish my son a very happy 35th birthday! The last two years have been nothing short of a miracle but the first 33 were always celebrated," she posted.
Since finding her son and writing about her story online, Shelley has sought to inspire others to reach out and do the same. They could just be in for a welcome surprise.
Telling The World Her Story
Since finding each other, both Shelley and her son have said that they share their stories of adoption and finding one another every chance they get. “We are both planning on things involving our journey on a grander scale. We want to share it with the world. We want to inspire hope and spread a message of love,” Shelley said, adding, “It could change your entire existence. The possibilities are endless!”
The family is still busy catching up, but everyone is thankful that Shelley took the risk to reach out and finally find her son. Now, the pair appear to be inseparable.
Shelley's Family And Looking Towards The Future
Shelley's story is one of heartache and perseverance. She gave her son up for adoption, not knowing if she'd ever see him again. Still, both Shelley and Daniel's stories show that family never really leaves you and that there are always going to be people there to welcome you back, even if you're gone for over 30 years. Both Daniel and Shelley's part of the family continues to meet regularly.
And the family has grown quite a bit from when Daniel was the only member. The Pitts family is now filled with plenty of smiling faces, and the best part is they're all together again.